Viva Me!

In the absence of our Oppressors, on their, uh, trip to Portland, I hereby Seize Control of the Nelson State and install myself as President-for-Life, effective immediately.

Sweeping changes are to be imposed upon our glorious State:

• Children's shows and Cartoons (except ironic ones) shall no longer foul the living room with their hyperactive voices and continual battling.
• Spices and flavours more complex than greasy, salty and sweet will be Cooked, Served, and Eaten with Relish.
• Vegetables, including Asparagus, will become Staple Foods of the State.
• Long Hairs on Floors and Surfaces and among Laundry Items are hereby Abolished from the State.
• School papers, toy parts, food crumbs, and dirty socks may No Longer be Left Lying About, upon punishment of, uh, Something Scary and Full of Doom.
  
• Depeche Mode is hereby declared the Official Band of the State, and their music shall be heard often.
• The State is hereby declared a Spanking Head-Free Zone.
  

Comrades, Victory is with us. Thus ends the first communiqué from the New Order. (Speaking of which, they'll be played often too.)